Covid Quarantine Day number… ummm…

Well, didn’t leave the hospital today. Have to wait for one more test to come back so plan to leave tomorrow. Oh, my 4th covid test came back negative, by the by.
Spent the morning deleting old contacts from my phone – people I can’t remember, former co-workers I will never see again, random plumbers from that time someone I know dropped a pencil in a toilet. It felt good. Like, I’m carrying less around with me.
Next up, more fluids & meds. I’m quarantined to my room today, so might as well, right? Read a little, watch a scary movie later (Sinister 💀), bed by 8:30.

Just for today – I am happy and I am safe. I won’t let anything get in my way.

Summah 2020

A few people reached out so I wanted to respond publicly: I was hospitalized for two weeks in May for a mental health/substance abuse issue. I transferred to residential program until this past Saturday. Friday night I had a stomach ache and was awake all night coughing. Saturday morning I didn’t feel any better. I was brought by ambulance to a hospital near my residential program where I was diagnosed with an UTI from which the infection had spread to my lungs. I was short of breath, my heart rate through the roof, and my oxygen levels were low. I was sure I was dying.
I’ve spent the last few days on oxygen, getting EKGs, having CAT Scans and ultrasounds. I’m exhausted and sore, but am breathing on my own and my heart is close to normal range. I’ll be discharged tomorrow, pending my FORTH COVID test (my body went into fight mode and I almost punched the nurse. F covid). The first three were all negative.
I’m pretty open about this stuff so ask away. And if you need help – with mental health, substance use, and apparently COVID tests, I’m your girl. Reach out. You don’t have to do it alone.

✨The Artist’s Way✨

Been working part time during quarantine. Almost every day off I have taken a walk to Broad Street Cemetery. I wander around, I think, I read, or I journal. Today, I’m sitting under a huge, old tree working through The Artists Way and enjoying the sunshine. I am grateful (and hopeful) for some normalcy to find us in the next few weeks/months (year), but I will miss this quiet time to ponder.

What have you been reading during quarantine?

5 card reading: $25 – 3 card reading: $13
Venmo: @bookwitchsalem

$5 from each reading is donated to @hawc – helping abused women, children, men, and nonbinary people live free from violence and fear. ✨

Potions with Baby Girl

Baby Girl and I played “evil witches” and made a “potion” together for potions class. It exploded – of course – and we had to add extra blue food coloring to disguise it from the muggles. I think we are quarantining jussssst fine, thank you very much. (It was just baking soda and vinegar! Don’t @ me! 😹). ✨

5 card reading: $25 – 3 card reading: $13
Venmo: @bookwitchsalem

$5 from each reading is donated to @hawc – helping abused women, children, men, and nonbinary people live free from violence and fear. ✨

Just a fish in a bowl… 🐠

My organized energy – blocked.

My enthusiasm – blocked.

My inspiration – blocked.

So much blocked energy. I’ve spoken with my therapist about feeling stagnant, stuck. It’s been hard to get creative. I’m either stuck at work or stuck at home, or behind a mask at the grocery store.

The masks. Masks are so important right now – we have to protect ourselves and others. But I hate them. I hate when people don’t wear them (or wear them but don’t cover their nose which completely defeats the purpose). I hate not being able to see people’s faces, not knowing for sure if they are smiling. I hate wearing masks. They are hot and cover my facial expressions. They make my work difficult because I spend a lot of the day on the phone and, well, have you ever tried to have a difficult conversation with someone about their sick pet while wearing a mask – it’s not easy. The masks are blocking our connective energy, our throat chakras.

The virtual meetings. These meetings are a life-line for so many right now. Children can connect to their teachers and friends. Adults are able to work from home, keeping themselves engaged and businesses open. People in recovery from alcohol and drugs can stay connected so they are less likely to relapse. But these meetings aren’t a perfect replacement for actual the spirit of connection that existed in the “before”. Our connective energy is there, but doesn’t feed our need for interaction.

The social distancing. Six feet apart. We have to stand the length of two golden retrievers apart from each other, an entire couch, or a kitchen door. That’s pretty far away. I’m not much of a hugger – I have a protective, golden energy “bubble” I surround myself with – But I love a good hug at the right time. I always offer hugs to clients at work who are saying goodbye to their pet for the last time, or who just got horrific news. I hug my colleagues when one of us is having a day from hell. I hug my friends when they get promotions at work, or have other exciting news. But now, I can’t hug any of them. We “send” hugs from our six foot distance (which, to be honest is almost impossible to ensure most of the time at work), but that “distance” hug doesn’t do the same for our heart chakras as a real hug. You know the kind, the one that causes you to slowly take a deep breath because it is in that moment? Yah, I miss that.

No wonder I can’t stop pulling reversed cards. Are you feeling stuck, too? What ways are you in-blocking your energy? Any advice for your Piscean friend who wishes she could swim in the ocean, but is stuck in this annoying fish bowl?

The Empress, and Beltane, and… well, Covid.

The pagan celebration of Beltane is today. Beltane is all about flowers, fire, sunshine, and May Poles. Originally celebrated in Ireland and Scotland to ring in the end of winter (we’re halfway through spring to summer! finally!), Beltane is my favorite pagan holiday. Like so many who live with depression, I am greatly impacted by the weather – long, dark, cold winters are tough for me so a celebration about light coming after the darkness subsides gives me so much hope (never mind that it’s also a great excuse to get out in my gardens and get dirt under my nails).

Baby Girl’s school typically has a May Day celebration on the Friday following May 1. They sing, and dance, and spin around a May Pole. I’m not sure what the plan is for this year, but today I overheard the kids all singing together – alone in their rooms, using computers and lap tops and phones to “be together”. I’d be lying if I didn’t sob for a while listening to them.

I also cried a while after watching the Parks & Rec reunion with my huz this morning. It felt like a bunch of old friends had come back from a long trip away. It brought some normalcy to these strange, strange times. Something from the BEFORE that returned so I could laugh and remember what life was like before I had to drive back home every time I go out because I forgot my face mask. It brought my thoughts back to a time when I didn’t have to wait in line in the rain at odd hours to go into the grocery store. A time when my little girl could dance and sing with her classmates to celebrate warmer, more sunny days on the horizon.

I’m living two lives lately. I have a life of quarantine – masks to go to the grocery store, helping my little girl with her virtual learning, missing my friends and my family, hating that I can’t hug someone when they have to say goodbye to their beloved pet while I’m at work. I’m also still working three days a week – vets are essential employees. So I’m on the “front line” dealing with people who may or may not be wearing masks. We deal with some people who are so grateful we are open it makes me cry… others who call social distancing “bullshit” and yell at us because they can’t come in the building with their pet. It’s truly exhausting.

Tarot reminded me yesterday to not let my thoughts deceive me and to turn away from that which doesn’t serve. Most importantly, though, it reminded me to remember who I am: I work really hard to be in touch with plants and animals, to be my creative-self, and am someone who loves deeply – I aspire to be the Empress. But it’s so fucking hard lately. With so many precautions that need to be taken to simply leave the house, so much watching my little girl be away from her friends and classmates, and so much stress and worry for those I love who could seriously be impacted by this deathly disease.

I’m grateful for today. I’m grateful for Baby Girl’s virtual school. I’m grateful for Parks & Rec. I’m grateful for my furry friends, Ron & Minerva. And I’m also grateful for all of you who reach out by text or email or instagram just to say hello and check in.

Happy Beltane, witches. And happy almost summer to the rest of you all.